“Do you realize one of the great problems in marriage is that we know so little about giving? We know all about trading, but not giving,” – Charlie Tremendous Jones, Life is Tremendous.
It’s easy to give others advice… However, it is rather hard to hear advice, and probably hardest to take our own advise. I am going to be slightly vulnerable here because I believe it is better to be honest about your faults, versus ignorant and feel you have none. So I’m going to share a glimpse of my marriage.
Marriage is hard, I think everyone you meet will admit this. It is even harder when you are innately selfish like me. I am always discouraged that my marriage isn’t perfect, that my wife and I are not perfect role models for our daughter, and that we foolishly fight and argue over simple things.
However, I am slowly learning ways to give her the love and support she needs. And most importantly, I’m getting mature enough to not expect something in return. I’m actually giving, not trading.
Why does this matter? Have you ever been shopping or traveling and saw something that you felt a certain person would love. You were so moved that you purchased the thing, and just the thought of giving it to them brightened your day. Then finally you meet them again, and you pull it out and offer the gift, maybe you even add flourish by saying, “I saw this and thought of you. I hope you enjoy it.” And then you see the joy on their face as they open and admire the thoughtful gift.
When you give this way it carries a strong emotion, and an energy throughout the entire journey (from discovery to delivery). I think this is the way I need to think about giving everything my wife needs from me, my love, my support, my comfort, my loyalty; and in doing so, enjoy the journey instead of a simple barter to get a good in return.
I will be honest, I’m am not the best husband or father, but I’m actively interested and working to improve (because I truly need it). This weekend I will be attending the Art of Marriage and focusing on me and my beautiful wife. I am certain that together we will grow, and all of our struggles will enable us better appreciate what we have.
I truly wish the best for you and your family. If you ever want to talk (or just give me the comfort of a listening ear) please contact me privately. Life is hard, but once you learn to enjoy the journey it becomes tolerable and eventually even joyous.
Wishing you a joyous life,